What a Black American Wishes White People Would See About Black People

Thank you for joining this episode of Healing Race. We ended our last video discussing how some Americans view black Americans as having a victim mentality when they push for racial equity. In this episode, I asked Andre what he would instead like white people to know about the black community that he feels is not generally acknowledged by them. What do some white people miss about us in the black community because of stereotypes expressed and how we've been painted over history and how these biases have affected me and others in the black community. Let's get to that conversation now. Enjoy. What would you want fellow Americans who are white to know about you as a as a black person or and or the black community generally that you often feel they, as a community, generally, right, or at least some portion of them don't know? Like, what are the things that you think is are misunderstood about you because of your blackness or, again, about the community generally that community with a lot of heart, and there's no reason to be afraid of us. We are a loving, beautiful people with a lot of heart, you know, with a lot of heart, with a lot of heart. And I think that doesn't sometimes come through because black people you know, during after the Floyd, incident, I heard someone on TV say that black people are not allowed to have natural reactions and we're not. And we're constantly being scrutinized about how we how we present. Yeah. And when people in control of information outlets choose to present exaggerations, hyperbole, the more sometimes less than graceful moments of a black person Yeah. Then I think that heart is lost. So I'm thinking specifically of the myth of the angry black woman. Right? And what is being communicated to a white audience as anger is really caring. Like, you know, this is a real this is what you are perceiving as anger is a person loving. You know? That's so Can you give a specific example of, like, where someone might, like, you know or someone you've seen might have come off as angry, but they were being loving? Like, how does that manifest? I'm trying to think of it happens a lot, and it did I'm not a black woman, so it doesn't Yeah. Happen to me Yeah. Specifically, but I have many black female friends. And it comes and it manifest in a multitude of places, the workplace Mhmm. Where when a black woman is assertive and wants to hold her teammates accountable, Let's say she's the leader of the team, project manager. Yeah. She's bitter and angry when she's just caring about the output of the work and giving the client value. Yeah. When, you know, black women or are out there on the forefront, you know, demanding change for us or demanding, you know, black faces on a magazine cover, for example. What they're what they're caring about and loving is the, you know, the beautiful black woman that exists in this world that we that we bring to the table. You know, we have to choose in this world as individuals how we show up. And when I mean show up, through what lens am I going to perceive this situation? And so when a person is being, you know, let's say depicted as angry, bitter, or whatever, ask yourself what else is going on here? How else could how in what other way could someone see this situation? Yeah. And it's one of love. Yeah. So that's an example, I guess, of, of, you know, what we're talking about earlier. The, you know, people in power presenting us in a certain way also it it's serving a misinterpretation, but we as individuals have the power to ask ourselves, is there another interpretation of this individual and their experience? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like the like, there's a couple ways to go with that. Like, one is, is there a context of their life that led to this behavior that's understandable? I think there's the question of, is this a different way of expressing something that I that is a positive? Right? Like, you know, I don't know whether there's cultural differences in ways of expressing love, for instance, as you say, or caring about something. There are. No. So maybe there are, and so to the degree there to the degree there aren't, we can understand how someone's different context can lead them in a certain way. And to the degree there are, then there's like you said, like, does the behavior could it have a different meaning, a different intention than the one we are imagining because of the way because the meaning that it the way in which it's typically portrayed. And I hear you on that. And it kinda gets back to this idea of having great of having grace, of having of giving space for, for someone to be themselves and to allow for a conversation to understand where they're coming from and not to place meaning on a behavior that we don't really know the motivation for. I think on the other side, you know, what I would say is I hope this adds on to what you're saying and doesn't feel like it discounts it. And this is, again, the motivation behind why I think these conversations are important. There are if there are cultural differences, racially, ethnically, in in expressing oneself in different way. Right? So you can have the same emotion. You can have the same goal, but you might express yourself differently because of what you learned in your cultural community. Sometimes cultural difference can feel unnerving. Like, it could feel scary not because the person is scary, but because the environment is different. Yes. And I So if you're not I you know, we can even go beyond race or ethnicity. Like, if someone came from a family where yelling at each other, you know, was common, and then someone else came from a family where you didn't do that. And then all of a sudden, they're with their in laws, and that's the way you do it. I've had that personal experience. Yeah. That could be jarring. It's like, how do I deal with this situation? You know? Like, when my family yells, they're angry. Right? Yes. But when you're angry when your family yells, they're just Communicate. Yeah. For real. I remember I was like, uh-oh. Like, it's what's going on here? I so I take your point. I do because I've had that was a very tangible example of that. I've had that experience. Yeah. So, you know, if there are cultural differences, sometimes the meaning given isn't completely contrived by, like, the news media environment. Sometimes it's based on their actual experience in their culture. Yeah. Of how these behave what these behaviors mean. Yes. But, again, I just get back to this idea of like, that's why we have to the degree that we think is valuable and important and necessary to relate to one another and to develop relationships that aren't segregated, right, that are that are open to differences, Like, there has to be some space to be yourself. Like, there's some tension between being yourself, but also knowing that sometimes being yourself could be taken out as offense, and you don't you didn't know it, and you get grace on the other side, right, to know that, hey. I made a mistake. I didn't realize this was gonna be offensive or come off the way it did. This is just the way we act. And can I say something about that from a very deliberate example from a racial perspective? Yeah. Because and there are differences. Because for my experience of black culture, and I'll say in the American South because that's where my I was raised and that's where I lived most of my life. Yeah. Timidity is not prized. Yeah. The people are direct. They are bold. They are assertive. And when I've been around white people, I had to learn not to be that way. I had to learn that they're so not necessarily you tone it down, but you're a bit more refined. You are a little con you're indirect in maybe sometimes you’re questioning or yeah. Or expression. And it’s a very, very different thing because we are, in my experience of black culture, has been around very confident, very direct, very bold, very assertive people. And that doesn't mean you're running you're insulting or telling people off, but you present an air almost like you're sort of like a power pose. You present an air of you are in control. And to people who are in their culture are not accustomed to it, it can come across as arrogant, you know, mean, all sorts of things. Yeah. And I've had to learn to be very malleable when I'm in various racial groups to understand what the rules are for presenting in this group. Yeah. What why is it important to you? So when I ask you the question about what you would want, you know, your fellow white Americans to know, your first answer, maybe your only answer. I don't know if you have other answers to it. Your but your first answer was that we have heart. Like, why did that come to mind? Like, why is that important for you for why is it important to you that white Americans know that? What's the relevance? Why prioritize that? For me, personally, I think with so many negative images about black people, it could be perceived that we just don't care. Or our caring about our existence or our caring only runs the line of, you know, of, how can I put it? Human rights in this country. Right? Mhmm. And what the reason I prioritize heart is because I want my fellow white Americans to know that we are just as nuanced, intellective, emotionally complex as other people. And we deserve the dignity of being afforded the human experience. Right? We have heart just like you are. We're not just whatever, you know, marginalization is convenient for that particular person in front of a particular audience. And I think that’s, and I mean, that's how you remember humanity is realizing that everyone is made up of the same traits that makes them human and having heart is one of the most fundamental among those. And when I say heart, I mean, caring, love, empathy, and all of the multiple ways in which it manifests and shows up in a human being. Yeah. Is there anything else is there anything else you feel like is a common either misperception or ignorance of what it's like to be black in America or the black community or I don't know. Is there anything else, like, you wish white people more generally, more broadly knew that you think That we have wisdom. They at least seem like they don't know? Yeah. That we have wisdom. And when you need to listen to you, and I I'm a let me, you know, adopt a better softer Poe, you know, stance. But you need to listen to us. When people are out there marching in the streets saying this is untenable, it's I mean, how long do you think this is gonna go on? Right? Like, you can’t kill all these black people in police custody or have, you know, all the different circumstances around those deaths and then just think this can happen into perpetuity. Yeah. The very vicissitudes of life teach us that things come to a tipping point. And so you may, not you specifically, but someone may narrowly see that protest in the lens of race, but there's a broader narrative. There's a broader, perspective at play and that broader perspective is for society at large. Like, that's a I mean, it's almost like a good analogy is climate change. Right? When you start seeing less ice on the polar caps, things are changing. That's the earth telling you, like, wait. Things are changing here, and it may not change to your benefit. When people are marching in the streets, they're telling you things are changing, and it's not to your benefit. Like, you know, you need to you need to take heed. So because there's often this sort of perception with some black people in the community that if it's not coming from a white mouth, people don't believe it. And I've personally experienced it. I've had things that I knew that I knew at work that I've communicated to people and then went back and double checked. And I had to wonder, is it because I'm black? Like, he's less knowing. And I'm not saying that people of any background or race are not capable of being incorrect or wrong, but, you know, the wisdom, we have wisdom and it's a human wisdom and it's one that we're very well as a people tapped into. And its voice is valid, and you need to listen to it before it's too late, you know, before we have a society that's on the verge of complete revolution. What's, like, what's the so these are things that you are saying you wish they knew. I guess, what is it assumed in that is that you experience them as, you know, white people generally, again, as not knowing these things. What impact, if any, does it or has it had on you to feel like white people generally don't see you as having heart and or wisdom? Like, has that had an impact on you to think that there's a, you know, some portion some large portion of your fellow Americans that you think don't see the heart in you or don't see the wisdom in you in in particular, you know, based on you being black? Like, does that affect you? Yes. Because you're not me, personally. I'm not being seen. Yeah. So it's harder to include and diversify and easier to dismiss, you know, injustice when you're not fully seeing a being as a as, you know, as a as a being. Mhmm. You know, it's not I'm not being seen. So for me personally, I feel like I have to fight hard or figure out, cobble together ways to be seen so that my life is a good one. So that I can have a thriving life. Like, did you have doubts about your capacity to I don't know. These you know, wisdom and heart are the 2 that you brought up. Like, did you get enough of that in your social upbringing that it at least was not able to impact your personal view of yourself, or do you feel Oh, yeah. Totally. This is coming from my own lived experience as a child and be who was partially raised by his grandmother. Yeah. You know, like, woof. I sit at the feet of the wisdom Yeah. Of my grandmother, like, in in the heart of, you know, of black grandmothers and grandfathers all the way around. That's how I know it. And I said, and I feel it doesn't come through in mainstream society. Got it. So there's a way of black women having a lot of wisdom. Yeah. This is not affecting you. It hasn't necessarily affected you personally in the way of how you see yourself because you have you had models of people who did see you that way. But what it does do is affect your ability to be yourself in the world in the broader world that might that that you feel doesn't see you this way, and therefore, you have to kinda fight harder to show that you are that person. I guess the way it is to simplify it is, like, you know that you're awesome. And you're like, hey. I'm, like, super awesome, but the world is like, no. You're not. Yeah. Right? And I'm like, no. But I'm awesome. Like, no. You're not. You know what I mean? That's hurtful. But especially when it comes to heart and wisdom. Like, I sit at the feet of black grandparent. I wouldn't be here with this con during this conversation. Yeah. You would have never you would have never met me if it wasn't for my grandparents. I can tell you that right now. Yeah. The love that they poured into me. Yeah. And not that my mother and father didn't pour love into me. There's just something about being and I don't know. Maybe you see this with your parents at Indy. There is something about being a grandparent, and I don't have children, so I don't know. Mhmm. That softens people, and grandparents love to pour into the children of their children. Mhmm. And I've seen that maybe they were kinda they acted some kind of way with their own kids, but when they have grandchildren, they pour into love into that child's being. They really do. I don't know what it is about becoming a grandparent, but I've seen it across races. I've seen it across the and I like I said, I sit at the feet of the, you know, that black grandparent experience. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. It is lovely. All of my grandparents are deceased. I miss it. And may because I think you've had similar with your grandfather. Oh, my best friends. I mean, my grandfather and grandmother were 2 of my best friends in life. Yeah. Yes. Mine too. My I woo. Yes. Mine too. And I that's why and I want that's why I wanna that's why I chose wisdom and heart and prioritize those 2 because no matter where I go in life, and no matter what happens in life, or injustice that's happens to me, or thrown at me, etcetera. I remember that experience as an anchor. Yeah. And it and it's it was lovely. Thank you for watching this episode of Healing Race and stay with us for a scene from our next video. If you wanna see more conversations like the one you just watched, please subscribe to our channel, share this video with friends and family, and like and comment on the video below. If you'd like to be a guest on one of our episodes and have an open real conversation about race, email us at guests at healingrayshow.com. And if there are topics you think we should cover, we'd love to hear them. So please email your ideas to topics at healingrayshow.com. As always, thanks for your support. We look forward to continuing the conversation with you. Now, here's a scene from our next Healing Race. So I'm hearing kind of voices in my head of what I would imagine some responses would be to this idea. You said something specifically about white people care a lot about words. Right? Or phrasing. I think I think you said phrasing. And my guess is that there would be a lot of white people who would say at least in today's world, they feel very uncomfortable about their own phrasing and their own ability to say anything that might be even tangential to the concept to the to the topic of race. Right? For fear of saying something that might trip some wires. Right? And I have a very direct response to that. It was your very direct response. To watch the rest of that episode, go ahead and click the video below me. To see a different compelling healing race episode, you can click the video below me. We look forward to seeing you in the next video.