What is the Toll of Racial Violence on Black Lives?

The conflict that I see is on one side people say we need to concentrate on racial issues because racial issues are real, right? Yes. And so we need to see the George Floyd incidents, right? And then I hear on the other side we're concentrating so much on race. Is it just dividing us further and creating more distance, more animosity? In this video, I reflect on how the threat of racial discrimination and violence has impacted me and my relationships. We also talked about whether the focus on racial stories in today's media isn't that good or not bad for society and race relations. So let's get to that conversation now starting first with a clip from episode 2 that triggered the conversation. Black people have our deaths have been very public Yeah. In this country, like, with lynching, when the people had lynching parties. Right? So it was a spectacle. You came, you bought, you know, you know, alcoholic beverages to watch this black man be hung and strung from a tree or whatever torture and, you know, however you wanted to, you know, assault his dignity and murder the person ultimately. Right? And even with George Floyd, that was a very graphic. Like I said, it's look at snuff film. Like, that was very graphic scene. And so those images when you're a part of that group for me are seared into your mind. Not you know, that's seared into your mind. And, I mean, it's just something that's unforgettable. So yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, buddy. What are you sorry for? I'm sorry that you apologize for that. That you feel I'm sorry that you have felt and do feel that way. A fear for your physical safety among other things. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I appreciate your desire to want to apologize. Sort of like when the one will apologize to you for everything that happened to the Jews when you were in Germany, I appreciate that, and I accept it. You know? But for me personally, and I'm speaking for me personally now in this moment, is just a part of being black. So I'm just I mean, I just kinda learn to live with it. I think I'm thinking about myself and that one of the ways I've cultivated almost like detachment as a means of psychological preservation. Like, I just kinda noticed how detached like, when like, even when you when you gave the apology, and I was like, okay. Kinda like, oh, okay. And okay, and I after that, I said, I just learned to live with it. Like and I it makes me wonder because I feel it makes me wonder how many other black people have evolved in that manner. Like, I'm just noticing how really detached I am. And even when you were making the point that you would be founded in your trepidation about the other things, but I seriously doubted about the physical harm If I would not let go of that psychologically because it felt like I was opening myself up. That's what I was seeing of the man who was speaking in that moment. And then it was it was like it was it was it was a bit of detachment. Like, in order to survive psychologically, I guess, with the stress of what it could impact on my life as being black, I've learned to accept just some really negative things about humanity. What's the hesitation? So when I was talking about the difference between let's say Advantage and someone who would do you harm, and you said there was a hesitation about acknowledging that as a possibility of the way that the world might be among, you know, within white hearts. What and I take your point, by the way, at some point in there, you say it's easy for me to it was kind of while I was also talking, so I don't know how well it got picked up, but you said it's easy for me to say. Right? Because I'm not the one who's threatened by that potential, and that's completely fair. Right? Right? Your need to be more guarded is because of a greater threat, certainly, than me. Me. Yeah. I guess the way for me, the hesitation, I kinda because I've been watching a lot of British history lately. I look at it like a castle, and every part every, you know, part of the psychological castle in my mind needs to be shored up for defense. And so that means I can't allow any brick to be taken away. So I've built up this psychology in my mind, this castle, this for this fortress of keeping what's most vulnerable and tender about me protected, and it felt as though to let that go would be removing a brick from the cornerstone, which could potentially threaten the castle. Mhmm. Mhmm. Is that analogy Yeah. The lead I'm yeah. The analogy I'm what I'm hearing is that there's still the feeling that to do so would to leave you would be to leave you open to harm. Mhmm. That the narrative itself causes you to live in some way that protects you. Mhmm. And to have any kind of change of narrative would mean to change that protection and leave you open to what the narrative tells you could happen. Yeah. Based on how I based on the things I've seen in the world. Yeah. You mentioned in that clip the graphic way in which black killings have been shown. How public it's been. How public it's been. Yeah. Does that how do you feel about that? Right? I mean, on one hand, George Floyd. Right? Seeing it is acknowledging a truth. And I watched the 9-minute version of, that circumstance. Yeah. And same with hearing the James Burdens incident. Right? It's saying, hey, society, look what happened or listen to what happened. This is something that, as you put earlier, this has to stop. Mhmm. Right? But on the other hand, it also sears something into your mind. It does. Right? And That's why that's why I do it. Yeah. And it magnifies the potential or probability of it, and there's lots of psychology behind that. And so I'm, like, really conflicted about this. I'm conflicted because we need to know the truth. Right? Because the truth of events that occur. Right? It shook people up. The George Floyd incident shook people up. Yes. But for you experiencing it, it's another, I would imagine, another example of the very thing that you fear. Yeah. And as another example of something to sear into your mind that then has an impact on how you engage. And so I don't know. Is it net positive? Is it net negative? Is it how do we, I guess, how do we come to know the truth in a way that motivates us to change it but also doesn't heighten the wariness and distance that we put between one another. And also give credence to the message of, you know, that of the perpetrator was trying to send. Like, those things were done in the context of the events, but they were also sending broader messages to black people. Like, you did that's a person trying to send a message. Mhmm. Right? And that message is, quite frankly, you are not welcome here. Mhmm. You are just straight up not welcome here. Why do you think whenever we're critical of the United States, what's the first thing white people say? Go back to Africa. We're not from Africa. We're from here. We're part of the African diaspora, genetically, but nationally, we are from here. Mhmm. Mhmm. The message is you are not welcomed, or you only exist to the extent and with the parameters that I see fit. Yeah. I just see such a fight in our culture around this, and it's not an easy it's not an easy one to find the right solution for. But the conflict that I see is on one side people say we need to concentrate on racial issues because racial issues are real. Right? And so we need to see the George Floyd incidents, right? And then I hear on the other side we're concentrating so much on race Is it just dividing us further and creating more distance, more animosity? I don't know the way to thread the needle, but this is I guess a little bit of what I'm trying to I wonder your perspectives because you talk about how much these things are seared in your mind, these events. And then you also comment on your kind of detachment in that clip or sense of distance where you have this feeling of not wanting to acknowledge a reality that I'm sharing with you, my reality. Yeah? And I didn't I didn't accept it. Yeah. Otherwise, whatever. About, you know, the prevalence of one form of Mhmm. Discrimination versus another that's more violent. Yep. And I have to imagine that those seared images in your mind at least aggravate that that holding on to the castle as you put it, the wall Essentially, the message hit home. Yeah. The message hit home. Yes. Like I said, the message though when the when people do that, they're sending a message and the message hit home. Mind yourself. Mind yourself. And for me personally, the message hit home. That's why I wouldn't accept your narrative because the message hit home. You know, it the reason I said sorry was I just was kinda reflecting on it was because it made me realize in in in throughout that conversation, it made me realize the gravity of those images that that are seared in your mind. I think it's it made me realize the grave it made me realize the castle, is what it made me realize. And so Even my recent incident with the border patrol people, the first is that these people can detain me. I did it didn't feel racial because I was in the baggage claim of an airport. Right? So there are all kinds of races around. But the fact that but I was pulled over like these not pulled over, but, you know, accosted. And these people can detain you and have all sorts of suspicions, and so my I went to disarm, disarm, disarm. So charming personality, very transparent answers to the questions, because I was but you don't have a charming personality when you're not under threat? It depends on the day you catch me. It really does. Like, I'm classic Pisces, so who knows what you're gonna get that day. But definitely, you know, don't answer questions that seem like my point is don't have an attitude when you're giving a response. Like, keep every it was it was a white man and a white woman, and it could have been. He could have just been in training or whatever. And that is their job to, you know, stop, you know, trafficking of illegal stuff. Right? And I wasn't doing that, and I told them, like, you know, I'm coming back, you know, back and forth, and they saw my ring. So they knew I was telling the truth about the fiancé bid and etcetera. But, yeah, it was always prevalent in my mind. Okay. What are what are my tools here? So make sure calm voice, transparent answers, be charming, you know, basically put these 2-white people at ease, make them feel comfortable, and I did. Yeah. And I was entertained. Because that was my goal. I was like, because these people can have all kinds of suspicions. They and because he asked me, you know, what's in your bag? I said, just my clothing and some coffee because it's Costa Rica. Right? You bring back the coffee. But yeah. So that's just, like I said, life. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess that that all the more drives home the mantra of, you know, that you've had, about what would that be like, you know, to not have to deal with that. I think it the sorry was also not just realizing kind of the impact of those the images seared in your mind, not only the castle, as you put it, that was built, but that also the energy taken, the energy expended on being concerned. Yeah. Maintaining the castle. You have to put mortar between the bricks. I hate too literally Yeah. Maintaining the castle. Yeah. And all the way that that energy, I guess, could be used Mhmm. If that castle didn't need to be there. Yeah. If it didn't need to be there. So yeah. Thank you for watching this episode of Healing Race and stay with us for a scene from our next video. If you wanna see more conversations like the one you just watched, please subscribe to our channel, share this video with friends and family, and like and comment on the video below. If you'd like to be a guest on one of our episodes and have an open real conversation about race, email us at guests at healingrayshow.com. And if there are topics you think we should cover, we'd love to hear them. So please email your ideas to topics at healingraceshow.com. As always, thanks for your support. We look forward to continuing the conversation with you. Now, here's a scene from our next healing race. And what I want to emphasize to you, given the events in Buffalo, is the concreteness of the deliberate to make it public. There's a reason that perpetrator live streamed it to make it public. We die in public ways to send a message and still do. I'm gonna need a drink after this conversation. Yeah. Did not like notes because you because I'm holding back tears as you are Yeah. Like yeah. I apologize for interrupting you, but this is really heavy stuff for me. In real, this is really this is really heavy stuff. This is these are lives. Yeah. You know, it's and I know I may get flagged for because this will be made public but it's the life of that 18-year-old who was radicalized. It was the life of the people who were taken, whose lives are no longer here on earth with us, who are now our angels, and it is the life of those that they left behind who now have to make sense of their world without the loved one in it. Yeah. You know, like, this is just it's 360 devastations. To watch the rest of that episode, go ahead and click the video below me. To see a different compelling healing race episode, you can click the video below me. We look forward to seeing you in the video.